Presidential Evangelical Commission on Thu, 6 May 1999 03:01:51 +0200 (CEST)

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<nettime> Re: *No subject*

     [orig to <Ron Smith <>]

Dear Friend Ron Smith,

Thank you for your interest in having George W. Bush speak at the 
benefit dinner for your organization, "Lads to Leaders/Leaderettes" 
(, a very beautiful and unusual site 
indeed). We are most honored indeed by this request. And I am not 
saying this in gratuitousness or vanity or hypocrisy or false moment: 
we are really, really honored by your request. To "Lads to 
Leaders/Leaderettes," we at GWBUSH.COM bow down.

You see, we at GWBUSH.COM have become fond of the phrase "You can make 
a lad a leader, but it's super-hard to make him a leaderette." It 
IS!!! We try--the rewards are not small, the "premiums" would make 
even a good solid Christian's jaw drop with lust... and okay, I'm not 
just talking lust, I'm talking forbidden urges, deep dark nasty 
fantasies you can't even admit to yourself, let alone G-d or Mary or 
Zeke or whatever. These are MAJOR PREMIUMS, you see. They are the 
stuff of heaven.

With our eyes on the prize, we have been trying to make lads into 
leaderettes for many, many years, and we have done nothing but FAIL 

Just for your information, and perhaps so you can advise us exactly 
what it is we've been doing wrong, here are four of the dozens of 
methods we've tried, in order to heal the dread syndrome we call 
Refusal of Leaderette Status (RLS):

* lobotomy--this was a while ago, several years at least (involves 
  making parts of the brain into mush by means of a prong inserted 
  through one of the eye sockets);
* electro-shock therapy--this was also a while ago too (involves 
  shocking the young man silly, sometimes as often as five times a 
* aversion therapy--a more sophisticated version of the above, 
  involving showing the young man tantalizing images of leadership on 
  a screen, and shocking him in certain sensitive areas when he 
  "reacts" to those images;
* reparative therapy--as the above techniques have generally been 
  declared criminal (at least for the purposes of turning lads into 
  leaderettes), we have resorted to prolonged, enforced confinement 
  and isolation coupled with the use of medical tranquilizers and 
  other drugs, plus liberal application of the words of GWBUSH.COM (as 
  revealed in the Bible) to persuade the young man to become a 
  leaderette instead of a leader. Sometimes we have had to couple our 
  "refusal of leaderette status" diagnosis with other more established 
  diagnoses, like schizophrenia, etc., in order to maintain control of 
  the lad for prolonged periods.

Neither these nor any of our other techniques have worked. Useless! 
Useless! Useless! We have 15 lads here at GWBUSH.COM--no, 17, 2 came 
in Thursday--and they're all just your solid leader material. They're 
all pounding the pavement for the Candidate even now, acting all gruff 
and solid and manly, and we've tried all the above plus much more. We 
have six openings RIGHT NOW for flimsy little leaderette lads, and no 
one to fill them. Please--if we send you a speaker for your special 
dinner, will you send us a leaderette or two? We will take care of 
him/them quite well, and assure that nothing masculine impinges on 
his/their consciousness while they are in our clutches. If you impart 
to us your secrets, we will send you as many speakers as you like, in 

Roy and Liz

Presidential Evangelical Commission: Joyous to meet you

You wrote:
>My name is Ron Smith.  I work for a non-profit organization and am organizing
>a benefit dinner.  I am interested in information about George W Bush being
>our guest speaker.  Can you give me any information or put me in contact with
>the right people?

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