Geert Lovink on Wed, 5 May 1999 18:58:32 +0200 (CEST)

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<nettime> JEopardized BIzarre Tourist Entertainment of SErbia ("JE.BI.T.E.SE")

From: Cillena <>

To foreign Yellow pages - Advertising - Tourist organizations

>        THE LATEST!
> Latest tourist invention of the 20th century! Tourist offer
> organized by Yugoslav Tourist Association
> If you have always wanted to experience a true excitement...  If you
> think that you saw all the sights in the world... If you want more 
> than your TV screen may offer you... To enter a totally real virtual 
> world of an arcade video game... be on the spot. to achieve your 
> dream. to achieve your mission. to experience a thrill. - welcome to..
> A great deal, one of a kind!
> For the first time in Europe, first time in the World!
> Attractive! Exciting! Magnificent! Unbelievable!
> Enjoy it to the sickness!
> Go through NATO humanitarian bombing against Yugoslavia - LIVE !
> First and unique opportunity to visit and stay in any of
> Yugoslav cities by your choice and experience the explosions
> and detonations by Tomahawk cruise missiles, cluster bombs and
> many other radioactive bombs with all known and unknown NATO
> arsenal on the spot, LIVE! You will experience demolishing of
> factories, hospitals, schools, buildings, apartments,
> so as killing innocent civilians and children in a direct
> vicinity!
> Belgrade, Batajnica, Pancevo, Novi Sad, Subotica, Sombor,
> Valjevo, Uzice, Nis, Aleksinac, Krusevac, Kragujevac, Pec,
> Cuprija, Podgorica, Prizren, Kursumlija, Vranje, Kosovska
> Mitrovica, and many more devastated places!
> If you find ONE city that suffered no bombing & damage,
> here's what you get:
> Two week tour around the country visiting refugees of all
> nationalities! Pay a visit to all the refugees stationed
> in Serbia, Albanians included!
> To the rest of our guests, we recommend specially attractive
> places! Rock concerts at Belgrade bridges and last
> halfly-ruined bridge in Novi Sad! Feel the atmosphere with
> live bombing coverage, special effects & lightshow!
> Extremely comfortable shelters of Hyatt Regency Hotel and
> many other popular places. For our guests with a skin-deep
> pocket, we offer private accommodation among many moldy
> shelters around and below buildings, which will be generously
> shared with Yugoslav old people and children!
> Watch the children grow and play inside the shelters and
> basements!
> During the day guests pay many visits to demolished
> buildings, ruined or totally devastated facilities and many
> ambient ruins where they can take some of the debris as a no
> charge souvenir - but not lighter than  20 pounds! Traditional
> 50 pound rock necklaces or a pendant - only 9.95!
> Cross country running with the air-raid sirens, fishing
> below the bridge, camping beneath the TV emitter and many other
> activities! Extra - after midnight visit to chemical and
> petroleum facilities! For those who care about their fitness
> and health, we organize morning route of 3 miles running and
> exercise, breathing freshly depleted uranium!
> You demand more excitement, more danger, bigger adventure?
> If you think that TITANIC was something, then look here!
> 1) We are negotiating with NATO Alliance to allow American
>    tourists to travel by F-117 Stealth aircraft, which
>    recently provides more fun and much more excitement
>    than regular B-2 or B-52 aircraft!!! You may also be able
>    to visit the F-117 graveyard in Budjanovci, but only if
>    you land successfully!
> 2) For our special guests, depressive American
>    millionaires, we offer a full-night accommodation at one
>    of the Military Bases on Kosovo as a 100% successful therapy!
>    Money back guarantee in death case.
> 3) Safari Tour! That's right! You can travel with the
>    refugees across the country, enjoying a unique trip on the
>    red tractors! Those with the driver's licenses may already
>    book the tractor (first and last one in the convoy are
>    already booked).
> 4) Fast Railroads of Serbia! Get aboard to some international
>    train and travel through Serbia! Watch the beauties of our
>    country, canyons and bridges - you may also place a no limit
>    bet - arriving in one piece or many pieces!
> 5) Play a role of a famous producer Oliver Stone! Set up
>    your cameras and your gear and let the actors play while
>    you direct "PLATOON 2"!
> 6) Being our special guest, you'll be especially hosted!
>    provides you exceptionally powerful feeling of being
>    treated as a famous dictator and a monstrous ruler! Family
>    sleep over increases the adventure!
> 7) Did you ever want to be a war reporter? Now you have a
>    chance! Report LIVE from a sight that was bombed, bring
>    your tape promptly to our national TV center and while
>    you prepare the record for broadcast, enjoy the belief
>    that your TV isn't a target! Very exciting!
> 8) A most exciting, most competitive, most challenging task
>    you'll get! Play the scenario "SAVE RYANN" live on the
>    battlefield! Your mission is to find the Ryann before
>    someone else finds him!
> Since there are many interested ladies and gentlemen among
> EU and NATO countries, all of our guests who apply within
> next week will be granted a generous discount of 5% per cash
> payment and 50% per S-300 payment. We take credit cards -
> "American Regret", "NO VISA", "Blast'em Hard".
> We guarantee that NATO Alliance will strictly respect their
> promise and continue intensive bombing of Yugoslavia in order
> to improve Yugoslav tourism, since all the other sources of
> development are damaged or endangered, and since there are
> no other reasons to continue this  aggression. If there would be
> no bomby-days during your staying in Yugoslavia, or if some
> break happens, and if you don't see at least 10 civilians
> killed per two nights of bombing - money back guarantee.
> The people of Yugoslavia would gladly share their daily food
> portions and supplies, but we strongly recommend you to
> bring your own food and luxuries such as peanut butter, caviar,
> maple syrup etc. UNLESS you want to experience the full
> impression of being a Serb in their own country.
> If you're not sure with whom are you talking to on the field
> and if you can't recognize his nationality, which is a common
> thing, you may know who the Serbs are at any occasion - an
> average Serb will never say "I did NOT had sexual relationship
> with that woman."
> This program is supervised by most of the world humanitarian
> organizations such as EU, NATO, UN, OSCE, MMF, KLA, KKC, ETA
> and many others, for a sake of globalization, peace, stability
> and democracy.
> JEopardized BIzarre Tourist Entertainment of SErbia -
> "JE.BI.T.E.SE"
> 13 Mite Balije Street
> Belgrade
> ---
> TiM Ed.: This is a fictitious address, of course.  The acronym, the
> name of the "tourist organization" sponsoring the mock ad, is equivalent 
> of "F. YOURSELVES" in English.
> --------------
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> ----
> Bob Djurdjevic
> Phoenix, Arizona
> e-mail: <>
> Visit the Truth in Media Web site
> <> for more
> articles on geopolitical affairs.

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