michael.benson on Fri, 14 May 1999 19:35:00 +0200 (CEST)

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<nettime> Re: "Staged" massacres, etc

   [orig not to nettime, but CCed to <slobodan.milosevic@gov.serboslavia>, 

Subject: URGENT: Please send to media, your members of
Congress, Senate...!!!

This is a warning. Reliable sources indicate that there is a real 
possibility that NATO, which is reported to be "increasingly 
desperate", is planning to surround Vienna with heavy artillary and 
shell the city from all directions. The destruction of Vienna, the 
sources claimed, will be blamed on "extremist Serbian elements." 
Simultaneous with the shelling, a doctored broadcast from "Serbian 
Television" will claim that the Viennese are "shelling themselves to 
create international sympathy over the boredom pervading their 
terminally bourgeouse lives", according to the well-placed source. 
"It's going to be played as a kind of 'cry for help'", the source 
said. Further, the broadcast will actually be an altered tape 
from a genuine Serbian TV broadcast made during the shelling of 
Sarajevo several years ago; the latter technique, according to 
several highly-placed Yugoslav officials, is an especially sneaky way 
to implicate Serbia in this criminal NATO act.

There are indications that the US Military, using intelligence 
gathered over the last three decades in "Area Alt-F4" -- a previously 
unknown, secret site in the Ohidaho desert dedicated to researching 
the technology used in a captured fleet of ancient flying saucers 
from Andromeda -- is preparing to, in the words of once source, 
"baffle the shit of out Belgrade" with an aerial armada of high-speed 
silver discs. The bafflement program, code-named "Operation Stealthy 
Idiot", will be a central component of a new NATO psychological 
warfare program directed specifically at top Serbian military and 
political echelons. "Its a question of baffling with bullshit", 
explained one NATO "Psych-Op" operative, speaking on deep background. 
He said that compter simulations had proven that moments of extreme 
bafflement can provide key tactical advantages, particularily after 
the 50th day of "air campaigns conducted by ethnically mixed pilots 
in particular."    

Further, there are also indications that, under pressure from an 
indignant Burkina Faso, which reported several hours of interrupted 
electricity in their Belgrade Embassy yesterday, top Atlantic Council 
decision-makers are planning to reverse all the decisions made at the 
NATO summit in Washington to increase the "scope and intensity" of 
the bombing of Serbia until NATO "prevails."  Romania, Croatia, 
Hungary, Bulgaria Bosnia, Macedonia and Albania -- all recently 
forced, under threat of being bombed themselves, to sign documents 
allowing overflights of their terrain -- are now being forced to sign 
statements that they consider themselves "foolish Balkan countries 
and were just kidding." CNN's Christian Amanpour, Hustler Magazine 
publisher Larry Flynt, and internet gossip columnist Matt Drudge are 
all reportedly being flown in a special sealed railroad car, 
itself being carried inside one of the US Air Force's massive C-5 
"Galaxy" cargo planes, to witness the signing of the "just kidding" 
documents. Their flight path will reportedly take them to Bucharest, 
Zagreb, Budapest, Sofia, Skopje, and Tirana, all during the course of 
one day. The railroad car will apparently be unloaded, transported to 
the nearest tracks, and will then serve as the location of signing 
ceremonies to take place at the main train station of each city. 
Evidence shows that, in general, all of the most influental US and 
western media are pre-positioned in important zones of potential 
newsworthiness "before" "anything" "starts" "in" order to "prepare" 
"reliable" "coverage" of the "unexpected" "event." 

The reasons behind the sealed railroad car was not disclosed, but 
will remain under study by a crack team of Harvard historians, 
according to Professor Vlada Petric, who taught film history at the 
Visual Department, Harvard University from 1973-1997.

In another development, the Yugoslav Union of Actors and Theater 
Workers filed a complaint with the UN Special Representative on 
Issues of Representation, claiming that the hundreds of thousands of 
actors "playing" at being "Albanian" "refugees", currently being paid 
to walk in circles in the dangerous border zones between Kosovo, 
Macedonia and Albania, are "not being paid or even fed well enough", 
according to a press release from the organization. "While we 
understand that NATO needs these remarkably skilled actors to build 
support for their brutal campaign of ethnic cleansing in Kosovo, we 
have to stress that we are moved by the plight of those Albanian 
actors. They are Yugoslav citizens, and so we feel duty-bound to 
protest their substandard working conditions", said head of the 
union, Slobodan Markovic (note: no relation to the prolific 
Belgrade-based e-mailer -- ed). "If they can't even feed these 
people, let alone protect them from NATO bombs, we really feel that 
it is our professional responsibility to protest." (Please note that 
this last information came from a *female writer.*)

Finally, reports indicate that the Serbian soldiers captured several 
weeks ago by the KLA, and later handed over to NATO authorities, are 
being forced to train as jet fighter pilots. The three 
soldiers, reported to be living in "extremely good, even spa-like 
conditions" in a undisclosed location, are learning how to pilot a 
broad spectrum of planes, from USAF F-15 and F-16s to French Mirages 
and even Albanian Spad-1 aircraft -- the latter a biplane type last 
used during the First World War. The reasons behind this training, 
although obscure, are thought to involve a plan by which the 
soldiers, flying these same NATO or Albanian planes, will be downed 
over Kosovo by NATO. "NATO will then claim that they were downed by 
Serbian ground-fire by mistake. This will prove that in fact Slobodan 
Milosevic has been conducting the bombing of his own forces all this 
time, using NATO and "Partnership for Peace" aircraft provided to him 
by NATO countries -- such as Greece and the Czech Republic -- as well 
as unscrupulous American and French arms traders", said an ethnically 
mixed cleaning person at Brussels' ultra-secret Civilian Stupidity 
Center in ##///###//## (address obscured by censors' ink).

Transmission ends.     

Michael Benson  <michael.benson@pristop.si>

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